Friday, October 24, 2008

One of those weeks!

This has been one of those weeks when you are glad it has come to a (semi) end!

Joshua stopped eating on Sunday night. This was followed with having to be picked up from school 40 minutes after arriving on Monday. He was exploding....and continued to do so until I don't even know. He also had to be picked up from school today for the same issue. He is still not eating great. Jeff kept Joshua on Monday and by Tuesday afternoon he was sick and exploding. TMI, I know! Jeff didn't leave for work on Wednesday night because of his -ummmm, issues. Now, I seem to have caught it as of Thursday morning. Again, TMI, I know. Flippin' Great!! Not much you can do about it, seems it is a stomach bug going around and last 3-5 days. Flippin' Great!! Jeff did go to work on Thursday night.

On Wednesday, I went back to my OB-GYN for the more in depth sonogram he had ordered. Let me back up a couple of see, the story goes like this........

On Monday Oct 6, after my recent female issues.....warning TMI doctor had ordered a sonogram. The following Tuesday, I went back in to see him about my results. It is never good when they can't just tell you over the phone what the results are. Jeff went with me to this appointment. My doc said that there was "something" on the sonogram that needed a closer look. It could be a fibroid or a polyp. Either way, we are to stop trying a Joshua a sibling until we find out what this "something" is. He ordered a hystrogram....aka a more in depth look at my innards to figure out what this "something" is. The hystrogram was on Wednesday of this week, Jeff didn't go because as I said earlier he was explod---well, you know. I was really hoping for a fibroid as I know the diagnosis and treatment would be easier. No such luck. It is a polyp....not just one but two polyp. I started crying when the doctor told me. I had a million questions going through my head and all I could do was cry. He advised me that polyp are rarely malignant.....but that didn't help to hear. All I could think of was, is this going to cause me to never get pregnant again? I thought I was okay with one child, but all of a sudden, I was panicking at the thought. My doc advised that they would require day surgery to remove. His office called today and my surgery is now scheduled for Nov 7.

All my life...since I was like 15, I have been told how hard it would be for me to get pregnant. How it would require fertility treatments. I never wanted to fully believe it. I remember when my doctor told us to start trying for Joshua and in 6 months if nothing then we would talk about next options. And I remember being sick as a dog for 2 months, getting negative pregnancy tests. I remember being angry that God was playing such a mean trick on me. Am I pregnant or am I not? And I remember the morning I took the test that came back positive. I was so in shock. I remember turning the test over thinking I had it upside down. And watching as two little pink lines appeared. And the reality of two pink lines. I bet I flipped that thing over in my hands 10 times before I really believed that there were two lines. And I remember going to the doctor who was just as shocked as Jeff & I about my being pregnant. And now I wouldn't trade that whole story for anything. Anything. But the thought that it may be the only story....well, I guess that I shouldn't be thinking that way. I am trying to stay positive. But, it is hard. I sit still for too long and I start there cancer growing inside me??? Or is it just ordinary polyps.....of a non-cancerous sort??? Are there ordinary polyps? I should know within about a week of the surgery what the results are of the biopsy.

I am thankful for Joshua. He is a great kid. From his refusal to come out of me, his colic, his refusing to sit up or crawl or walk. I am thankful for the temper tantrums he is learning to throw. There were times where I didn't think I would get to experience those things first hand, with my own child. I love when he says "mama" took forever for mama to come out of his mouth. In thinking about it, I guess he is my little miracle baby.

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