Monday, July 20, 2009

5 years

Today my father has been gone for 5 years. So much has happened in 5 years, things that I planned to have happen and many things that I didn't plan. I can remember his last 6 weeks in great detail. I remember him being wheeled from the E.R. room he had been sent to singing "On the road again". They wheeled him everywhere that day doing tests. I remember the E.R. doc that told my Dad exactly what was wrong with him but he needed tests to show it. Those tests showed it all. Cancer. Cancer is a funny thing. It isn't prejudice in anyway, shape or form. It doesn't care what you have done or what you want to do. It doesn't care that you have plans three weekends from now. It doesn't care who you are, who you want to be or you will become. Cancer is horrible.

Looking back, I wish that I would have asked Dad what he wanted to do before he couldn't. I remember asking him once if there was anything I could get him and I can still see his face. Tan with age and steel blue eyes saying, "Time, sweet time". It was the one thing that I couldn't get him. That was the moment that his cancer hit me. It was the single moment in time when I had that 'this is it' feeling. The moment I realized there was no turning back.

I wish I had taken the time to go fishing on the coast with him. We had talked about it many times, but nothing ever came of our talks, there was also tomorrow and next year after all. I wish that I had taken the time to listen more to his stories about his time in the Reserves. I wish that I had taken his advice to heart more often, it was always good advice, but I am very stubborn. Stubborn just like him, probably more so. The advise he gave on the old green swing. In giving advice, especially if he knew I wasn't going to want to hear it, he would look over his glasses at me. I would have to look away because I thought his blue eyes were going to pierce me.

Here is picture dated 11-6-77 with my Mom & Dad, Grandma & Papa (my Dad's parents) & Granny Lackey (my Dad's grandmother). Taken in Haskell at the Lackey Reunion...we will travel out west next weekend for this reunion.
This picture is my dad & I at Queen Wilhelmina State Park. The caption says we are standing in from on the mini train, but it is very hard to see in the picture and it dated 5-28-78. The same mini train that my husband, son & I rode on July 4th of this year.
This picture is at Lake Palestine, I am not sure if it is on the property that we have down there or not. I would say it is, but the area has so many houses nowadays, that you can't just see the lake from the land.
Here are my siblings and I fishing at Sandy Lake in Arkansas. My father taught us the art of catching Perch. The thing about catching Perch is that it is easy. You can pull many out and it keeps impatient people happy cause they are pulling something out of the water. My father took this picture. My arm was in a cast because I broke my elbow rollerskating.
This is at the Texas sign and dated 7-1988. My brother was 5, I had a bad looking perm. But I always remember stopping at the sign for pictures. It is a tradition that I will continue to do with my son. My father was a Texas history buff. I credit him with my love of Texas history and my proud-ness to be a Texan.
This is my father's blue truck. The night before we sold it after his death. My father always drove Ford trucks. The blue-green one would be considered a classic nowadays, the silver one, he crashed into a gas station in and this blue one. I once drove this blue truck to take Dad to a dentist appointment, he didn't want to get into my little car. The truck shimmied and didn't drive like my car. And Dad made me a nervous wreck the entire trip home...a whole 2.5 miles. I miss the old truck and think of him every time I see one like it. The guy that bought the truck, I believe painted it a different color and took the tool box off.
This is the memorial plaque that we got after Dad's funeral. I always thought it was ironic that he died from Lung Cancer and his pipe is in his pocket in this picture.
Taken today at the cemetery. This is the first time I have ever gotten Joshua out of the car/truck at the cemetery. I tried to explain what we were doing, but my words were lost on my 2 year old. Someday he will understand more. I think my father would think that Joshua is a pretty cool kid.


Greg said...

I have pictures of last year's reunion to post but can't remember the website to do so. Can you send me a link at when you get a chance?

Time goes by so fast.

Christina said...

It is hard to believe it is 5 years. Time keeps going by whether we like it or not. We wish for just one more moment with our fathers. I do the same and it's been 17 years. Your father is proud of you and Jeff and most of all he's an angel keeping closeful watch on his Joshua.

Anonymous said...


A beautiful tribute to Ron, and yes, it's hard to believe that it has been 5 years.

Take care and will see you this weekend!

Aunt Jan