Wednesday, March 4, 2009

one of those days

I haven't been sleeping well. I have had a lot on my mind lately and just lay in bed with my mind racing every night. I haven't climbed in bed before midnight in over a week. I am averaging going to bed around 2 which makes it difficult to get up early for work in a few hours. I am irritable and angry and frustrated all at once. I think that my hormones are out of whack again, with me coming off my birth control, there is nothing to regulate them. It frustrates me that without them, I am like this. I will talk to my doctor about it soon. I will call the office again tomorrow to follow up about getting my surgery scheduled. Sadly, I came off my birth control because it was costing a lot of money since it was not covered by insurance. I could have gotten on a daily pill, but that is just not an option for me...not a good one anyway. They tend to not work in controlling my other issues, that is why I have been on the patch for many years. I can't concentrate at work. My lack of concentration is just one of the things I have been stressing about. I am stressing so much that I feel like my blood pressure is way up. It doesn't take much of a rise for me to notice but lately I feel like it is way way up.

I have also been having an issue with my truck this week, an unusual noise. My truck occasionally has an odd issue that will come up. Nothing major has ever been wrong with it and I am thankful for that. I stopped by my brother-in-law's tonight and of course it wouldn't make the flippin' noise...that is what always happens. Joshua was in a great mood over there and played with everyone as much as he could given that they were trying to fix dinner. Joshua and I came home and he turned into this screaming kid. SCREAMING is an understatement for what he morphed into. He wanted a drink and I just couldn't get it fast enough. And apparently, he wanted milk and I gave him juice. I was trying to cook dinner and feeling very rushed with someone SCREAMING in the background. He wanted to be held and I can only do so much cooking holding a whining kid. I finally put him in his chair and got him some snacks...apparently they just weren't good enough for him and back to SCREAMING he went. He pushed the plate across the table, the cracker mix went flying all over. I smacked his hand for this and that went over oh so very well...SCREAMING ensued. He continued SCREAMING for about 10 more minutes and finally starting crying for his monkey. I went and got monkey and instantly it was quiet and good in Joshua's little world. If anything ever happens to will be the end of my world. I never wanted him to be quite so attached to a lovey, but sometimes I appreciate monkey....and oddly enough....I tell monkey that I appreciate him often. Anyway...I get dinner done, get Joshua's plate together so it can cool. Set it up in front of him and he picks up a piece of chicken says hot and starts SCREAMING some more. Now, I know that his chicken is not hot...heck mine ain't even hot at this point. He pushed him plate away and instantly started whining to get down. After five minutes, I thought I would save my sanity and get him down. I got him down and he collapsed on the floor SCREAMING. Apparently he wanted to be in my lap. I got him up and sat him on my knee. I continued eating and he picked up his cup and started drinking. He emptied his cup and requested in a very nice tone that he wanted more juice. I got him tea instead and he didn't even know. Then he decided that he wanted his plate so I moved his chair all the way over next too me and he and half chicken strips...about 3 inches x 1 inch of chicken. That is all he ate for dinner. By the time dinner was finished, it was his bedtime....I stretched it 30 more minutes and then put him to bed. After dinner he and I played in the living room and he was happy as a clam....a clam who didn't eat much for dinner.

I am going to get the trash out and take something to help me hopefully get some sleep.

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